Anna Faith, Olympic Contender

The U.S. Olympic Trials for Gymnastics were a couple of weekends ago. The gymnasts were absolutely amazing. They incredibly master many different tasks to dominate their sport. After thinking about the complexity of their job, I thought about the mental and physical strength one must have to maintain such a high level of concentration and dedication day in and day out.


And then, it came to me. I have the perfect athlete in mind. She's about 2.5 feet tall, super strong and has the cuteness to knock the socks off the judges.


And she has the talent to boot.


The Vault -In this event, the gymnast sprints to the end of a 25 foot runway to ultimately catapult herself off a springboard while she does twists and turns in the air only to make a perfect landing. While my candidate doesn't exactly sprint, she does crawl very quickly, often times to a barricade meant to prevent a catastrophic fall to the ground. Not realizing the purpose of the levee in her way, she then thrusts with all her might, only to somersault over the barrier, through the air and onto the ground. Her landings aren't perfect but consistent nevertheless.


The Uneven Bars - In this event, the gymnast navigates through two horizontal bars by swinging, flipping and masterminding through the obstacles the bars present. My candidate is very much a professional in this arena. She grasps the coffee table and glides to the much lower and much more unsteady recliner. She flips and swings directly onto the hard floor below. Once again, her dismounts must be perfected.


The Beam - Contestants are expected to balance on a narrow platform while flipping, twisting and turning, all with the gracefulness of a swan. My contender often balances on her tiny toes narrowly reaching with ease to grasp something not meant for her little hands. She scoots and manuvers in the most limber of ways until...you guessed it...she comes crashing to the ground. Landings are tough.


The Floor - This routine involves a gymnast tumbling, jumping and doing various acrobatic moves. All of which have been previously discussed. However, given an open floor and limited adult supervision, my daughter would put any gymnast to shame in this element of the sport. Okay, maybe not.


We have some minor issues to work out but...

8.8.08 Here we come!

Quality Time

She's her father's daughter. Our princess loves to watch motorcycle races with her Daddy. Yes, motorcycle races. She doesn't prefer playing with dolls, stuffed animals or anything of the sort. I would love to think she watches because of the exciting competiton of the stampeding two wheelers. However, reality says the constant white noise is what really draws her to the projection. So, here I sit watching the redundant laps of amusement with Chris and Anna. It warms my heart to see them spend quality time together. Hopefully, she will out grow her motorcycle fascination soon. I would hate to be the one to break her heart when I won't let her have one of her own.

Teenage Rebellion

My daughter has a serious case of teenage rebellion. She is drawn to the forbidden, the off-limits, the enticing world of put-it-down-don't-do-that-get-that-out-of-your-mouth. (It's a real place, in case you didn't know). What interests her most? How about the one and only toy in the house that isn't hers: Dexter's beloved Beaney Baby carcass. Gross and disgusting, this cat has seen better days. Its bean bag guts no longer exist, and its cataract eyes are scratched beyond belief. This is Dexter's one true love. And that apparently makes Anna want it that much more. She's taken over his house, his parents and now...Victim #2: Junior. Yes, poor Junior. She loves him. Well, mostly his tail, his hair and his legs--all of which must taste like gum drops. Kryptonite is no match for Anna Faith. Victim #3: The living room fireplace. Inanimate? Yes, but a victim nonetheless. Her eye is always on the prize of the Stone Fortress and its corner brick. A teething ring is no match for my baby girl. Hopefully, the brick and mortar won't fight back anytime soon. She's as fast as lightning and very persistent...She's determined. Cute. Lovable. And did I say determined?

Meet The Renters

We live in a green community. Not only do we offer our garbage up to the environmental gods, but we also embrace recycled unwanteds. Meet The Renters. We will call them that to protect their identities. Please don't misunderstand. There is absolutely nothing wrong with home rental. However, I firmly believe in "When in Rome, Do as The Romans." These Romans don't do the following.


Let's begin...


Parking in front of my house is not a problem. Go ahead. Do it. It's fine. I don't need to get to my mailbox anyway. Pay my bills while you are at it. Nevermind, don't. I value my credit. Oh, and as always, feel free to let your child ride his bike through our yard. Grass is overrated. Thank you, once again, for the much needed assistance in the fertilization of my lawn. Please continue to urinate on my blades of freshness while I have company in my driveway to bear witness to your peep show.


You are welcome in my neighborhood. But remember how the saying doesn't go, "When among the civilized, disregard their space, visual interest and sanity."

Health

Health. Value it. It comes. It goes. Let me introduce you to my inspiration for this blog: Mr. Ever-Present REALTOR Man. On what seems like a daily basis, Mr. E-PRM graces me with his presence. Don't get me wrong. The man is a genuinely nice man. Nice enough to keep me, the innocent bystander, completely in the know about his health-scapades. While I care about the general well being of most people (him included), I don't want to know the full potential, or lack there of, of his body parts or anyone else's for that matter. Case in point: the plaque buildup in his prostrate, while important to him, may not be something of which I need the complete and unrelenting details. And it is quite unfortunate he is having to trek back to the doctor's office to get places burned off his body because they came back after the first charring. If that isn't enough information to warrant nausea, today during his visit, while gagging up a lung, he proclaimed that his hacking cough is just a sign of old age. While it may be, once again, I don't need to know that his dentist visit took a little longer the other day because the dental hygienist had to stop periodically, so he could hauck. Really? Seriously? He needed to tell me that before his day could continue? Well, I guess I can contribute that to my wonderful, caring personality. Bless his heart. I care. Really. Just not that much.

Dear Superman aka Annoying Neighborhood Kid

I will speak slowly, so you will understand. My dog is huge. About the size of a very large Tyrannosaurus Rex, in fact. He will eat you. Taking all of this information into consideration, please, for your safety, quit peeping through our privacy fence to taunt your nemesis--Junior. I've asked you nicely, very nicely to ignore your curiosities. The frail barrier of a deteriorating fence between you and my otherwise angel of a dog might not be the protecting force you believe it is. I will gladly throw your ball back over the fence if it lands in my yard, but I once again, I respectly insist that you leave Kryptonite, I mean, Junior alone to enjoy the peacefulness of the outdoors without the racket of you banging on my fence.

Sincerely,

Your Loving Neighbor

The Monster Awakens

The beautfiul angel that she is--my little Anna Faith woke up yesterday declaring her one true love at the top of her little lungs in the most shrill and ear piercing voice imaginable. The one word I couldn't wait for her to say, she was screaming over and over again. "Momma. Momma! MOMMA!" For some reason, her Daddy couldn't calm her exasperated cries of despair, (which makes no sense since he is her actual true love and knight in shining armour). She wanted her Momma--the sucker. What was wrong, you might ask. And to that I reply, "most likely nothing." I fed her, changed her and did the morning rubbing-of-the-belly-while-patting-the-head-crazy-circus routine to get us ready for the day. A day which includes me going to work and Anna staying at home with Grandma Estella. My little angel was in a decent mood when I left...Then I returned... Hours later. I opened the door to find Grandma looking at her very patient wit's end while Anna Faith was smiling victoriously as if she had won a gold medal in the First Annual Baby Crawling Competition. I knew instantly that my little monster had shown her Grandma her little horns that afternoon. After talking to Estella, we concluded that her problem was probably the invading teeth that are approaching visibility....I gave her tylenol and teething tablets, and my little monster became a little more angelic as the night progressed, though not quite heavenly. And to those teeth I say--GET HERE ALREADY!